


Are You Missing Underwear?

by JessJesstheBest



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, M/M, Ronan Being Ronan, This is totally based off that one post on tumblr, mechanic Adam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 21:01:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8342572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessJesstheBest/pseuds/JessJesstheBest
Summary: We have discovered that our bird has stolen a large amount of men’s underpants and socks from a neighbor.
  
  We live in the loft of Monmouth Apartments.
  
  If it is you we are very sorry.
  
  We have them here and we can return them.
  
  You’ll be pleased to know we’re moving…
  
  Please call or text Gansey on this number if you think it might be you.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of [this tumblr post](http://tumblr.tastefullyoffensive.com/post/141322288653/cat-burglar-via-benji#.WAqf_tArLnB)

Adam almost completely overlooked the note hiding with the rest of his mail as he tossed the stack of bills on the coffee table. 

It had been a long day. First, his bike had gotten a flat tire on his ride to campus. This had made him late to his 8am – robbing him of the title as the only student who had never been late to that class. Then, he had had a fight with his teacher in his medieval Welsh History seminar – she insisting that Welsh’s predilection towards Christianity making a belief in Ley Lines impossible and Adam disagreeing entirely. And then, to top it off, the pissclown whose Mustang Twister he’d been breaking his neck over for two weeks had cancelled his order, which meant it was now Adam’s job to try and sell this impractical vehicle to some other sucker or he was out a significant restoration commission. 

So with that and having to walk his wobbly bike home in the late-July Virginia swelter, Adam wasn’t paying attention to his mail.

Not to be ignored, however, the small leaf of paper tucked carefully but loosely between two envelopes slipped free and fluttered to the ground, forcing Adam to stoop and pick it up.

Adam blinked at the bolded question at the top of the slip.

**_“Are You Missing Underwear?”_ **

His brow furrowed as he snorted. Curious, he read the rest of the note.

_ “We have discovered that our bird has stolen a large amount of men’s underpants and socks from a neighbor. _

_ “We live in the loft of Monmouth Apartments. _

_ “If it is you we are very sorry. _

_ “We have them here and we can return them. _

_ “You’ll be pleased to know we’re moving… _

_ “Please call or text Gansey on this number if you think it might be you.” _

This was followed by a phone number and the apartment information.

Adam huffed out a laugh, wondering how many different apartment buildings had gotten these in their mailboxes. Monmouth was on the next street over from Adam’s building and there were three apartment complexes in the area. That’s a lot of leaflets.

His smile trailed off into a considering ‘Hmmm’ as he read back over the ad.  _ Was he missing underwear? _

He made his way with the paper to his bedroom to check on his undies situation. It was entirely likely that bird had robbed him: he didn’t have an air conditioner and his apartment would be absolutely uninhabitable if not for an open window.

He rooted around on his floor, picking through the dirty laundry scattered around it. He should have probably been embarrassed by how messy everything was but, between classes and his two jobs, he could hardly blame himself for neglecting his apartment. He was still eating regularly, he got a decent amount of sleep, and he got all of his homework done: something needed to be sacrificed.

And now he was facing the consequences of that sacrifice. By his count he was missing at least 15 pairs of underwear. He was kind of shocked he hadn’t noticed before that moment.

Sighing, he looked back at the flyer. 

_ “Please call or text.” _

Well that was all well and good, Mr. Gansey person, but not everyone had an unlimited cell phone plan. Glancing at his watch, Adam weighed his options. 

It was nearing 6 o’clock, which meant there was a chance he would be interrupting dinner, but it also meant that the flyer distributers/thieving-bird owners were more likely to  be home. Looking down at himself, he frowned at the coveralls and t-shirt that were his uniform at the garage. The coveralls, currently tied by the sleeves around his waist, kept the oil from staining the white of his t-shirt but Adam’s sweat had made it damp and discolored in places, making it cling awkwardly to his chest. He considered changing, thinking about the state of his closet and the empty spaces that begged him to look instead at the floor. 

Well, these people were probably already judging him by the state of his underwear. Showing up looking like a greasemonkey couldn’t hurt him now. 

Might as well get all the unpleasantness done in one day.

Making his decision, Adam grabbed his wallet and keys, shoving them back in in the pockets of his coveralls as he pulled the door open. 

Adam’s decision not to change was validated almost instantly. It didn’t matter that his white t-shirt was already sweaty because anything else he would have put on he would have sweat through within five minutes of being outside. The walk to Monmouth was only a block, but the oppressive heat was like a physical weight, drawing down his limbs and demanding effort to keep them moving. Effort Adam barely had in him after his long shift and longer day of class.

The sooner he could be at Monmouth, the sooner he could return to his apartment, finally do his overdue laundry, and go to bed. That thought drove him forward.

Adam breathed a sigh of relief when the air conditioning of Monmouth hit him, only for the sigh to turn into a groan when he saw the elevator was out of order.

“Oh, well fuck me, then,” he muttered to himself, shoving his sweaty hair out of his eyes. He didn’t let himself dwell on how unpleasant the climb to the  _ top floor _ would be as he threw himself into the stairwell.

Adam was not out of shape. He really didn’t have the option to be out of shape when he had to rely on his body to travel since he didn’t have a car and had a physically demanding job. But even with the shape Adam was in, his chest was still heaving by the time he was done climbing the stairs, gasping and sweating and in no state to make introductions.

Even so, he stumbled his way out of the staircase to the large warehouse-style sliding door that divided the upper loft from the entryway. Monmouth Apartments, formerly known as Monmouth Manufacturing, might have produced something important in its day, Adam didn’t know. But whatever the factory had been, it was now housing for wealthy douchebags who thought the warehouse look was  _ so _ boho chic. Apparently there were hipster assholes who lived in Virginia, who knew?

And one of these hipster assholes had an underwear stealing bird. And that asshole happened to live on the top fucking floor and was blasting shitty electronica music.

Adam knocked on the door, ready to meet the asshole and have it be over with.

There was no answer, the music too loud in the echoey warehouse, so Adam knocked louder. When there was still no answer, he banged both hands on the door, not stopping until the music cut off.

Adam backed away, clumsily, as the big industrial door slid open. The size of the door didn’t lend itself to violent movements but the young man on the other side compensated by slamming bodily into the door frame, his bare torso colliding with the metal. He looked at Adam in a way that he could only describe as ill-tempered disinterest.

The angry young man crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at Adam in place of a greeting, slumping against the doorframe in such a dramatic lean as to bring him to Adam’s height. 

Adam bit the inside of his cheek, hard, then let it go so he could ask “Are you Gansey?”

“No.”

Adam waited for the man to continue or to slide the door shut and dismiss him completely but he did neither. He stayed slump against the doorframe, staring at Adam.

“Is Gansey here?”

“No.”

Adam waited. The young man stared.

Then suddenly there was an enormous raven on the man’s shoulder.

Adam gaped at it, disbelieving. “Holy shit, is this the bird?”

The man broke his mask of disinterest with a smirk, reaching one of his fingers up for the raven to peck at affectionately.

Adam pointed, redundantly. “This is the bird that’s been stealing my underwear? It’s a raven?”

The young man’s smirk stretched into a mean grin. He pushed himself to standing erect, the hand he had offered to the raven coming down to rest in his belt loops. Standing this way he was several inches taller than Adam “Oh, so you’re Captain Dirty Underpants.”

Adam flushed, glancing away, and pulled the flyer from the pocket of his coveralls. “I’m looking for Gansey.” He showed the flyer, gesturing at the print. “This said I could come pick them up–”

“It also said to call or text, if I recall.” The man interrupted. “Because Gansey isn't here right now and wow, that’s embarrassing for you.”

Adam bit his cheek again, anger squaring his shoulders. He looked unflinchingly into the man’s eyes, forgetting to clip his accent in his annoyance. “Look, can we just get this done? I don’t give a rat’s ass  _ who _ gives me my shit back, I just need it. And seeing as it’s  _ your _ bird–” Adam looked pointedly at where the raven was nibbling at the man’s ear “that stole my shit, I think you can get it for me. I don’t need some asshole with a corvid wasting my time.”

The man’s smirk had melted into a sneer by the end of Adam’s monologue. The sneer ruined the line of his jaw, which was cutting and attractive, like all of his features were sharp and perfect. The lines of his collarbone were sharp where they separated his neck from his bare torso. His knuckles were sharp where he curled his fists into the fabric of his jeans. His eyes were alight, a fury in them lending itself to either fighting or fucking. Adam swallowed, his eyes skimming down his body without his permission. 

Slowly, the young man reached behind him, pulling something from his back pocket and tossed it at Adam. “Speed dial one for Gansey.”

He disappeared from the doorway, allowing Adam to examine the sharp lines of a massive tattoo covering his back as he walked away. Adam inspected the phone in his hands. It was a newer model than his own but not the sleek shiny number he expected from one of the rich bastards that lived in Monmouth.

He wasn’t sure what to do, but he guessed that calling Gansey from this man’s phone was a start.

He felt awkward lurking in the doorway with a ringing phone that wasn’t his, but he wasn’t willing to follow the angry young man with the bird further into the apartment.

The voice that picked up sounded almost panicked in its surprise.  _ “Ronan?” _

Adam registered the old-money accent with a pang of resentment before he answered. “Um, no.” He cleared his throat. “I’m calling in answer to your flyer? About the underwear stealing bird?”

_ “And who is this? Why do you have Ronan’s phone?” _

Adam sighed. “My name’s Adam. I figured out I had underwear missing when I saw your flyer. I thought it would be easier to just come over and pick them up. I didn’t think you wouldn’t be home.”

A pause.  _ “And Ronan?” _

“If that’s the bald kid with the fucking raven on his shoulder then he gave me his phone after I knocked on the door. Told me to call you.”

There was a sigh on the other end of the line. Adam got the impression that Gansey was scrubbing a hand over his face.  _ “Is he there?” _

“Ah, no. He left me in the hallway and went back into the apartment. The door’s open, though.”

_ “Well you can follow him in there. I’m Gansey, as you might have guessed. Please ignore Ronan.” _

Adam lowered his voice as he took a couple of tentative steps into the apartment. “But isn’t it his bird?”

_ “Yes, but it’s not his fault. She thinks he’s depressed so she’s been trying to bring him presents.” _

“She?”

_ “Chainsaw. The raven.” _

“Chainsaw?”

There was a squawk from further into the apartment and Adam jerked his head around to see the angry young man – Ronan – lounging apathetically on a couch, the raven next to his head on the back of the couch. The raven’s head was turned towards Adam, her eyes peering at him.

“Chainsaw.” Adam repeated.

The bird squawked again.

Ronan was staring at him too, absently stroking at the feathers on Chainsaw’s neck. 

_ “Tell Ronan that your things are in the kitchen/bathroom/laundry.” _ Gansey said.  _ “In the blue reusable shopping bag.” _

Adam wanted to ask why he couldn’t just give Ronan the phone, but he had a suspicion Ronan wouldn’t take it. “Gansey said my stuff it in the kitchen… bathroom.. Laundry?” Adam started, unsure if he was saying it correctly. “In the blue bag.”

“Cool.” Ronan pointed absently towards the back of the apartment, not looking away from Adam. “It’s that door over there.”

_ “Adam, would you mind putting me on speaker?” _

Adam did, holding the phone out so Ronan could hear.

_ “Ronan, go get this boy his things. It’s your fault for neglecting Chainsaw that he had to come out of his way to retrieve them in the first place.” _

Gansey had already told Adam that it  _ wasn’t _ Ronan’s fault but Adam thought it best to keep that to himself.

“Come on, Dick,” Ronan whined, “can’t we just wait for you to get back?”

There was some muttering on the other line, a higher voice coming through sounding irritated.  _ “Jane says to stop being a lazy fuck-head and give the damn kid his stuff back.”  _ Gansey said _ “Also, sorry, ‘fuck you for interrupting date night.’” _

“Tell Sargent to mind her damn business.” But Ronan was smiling as he pulled himself off the couch. “And fuck you for having a date night when there’s underwear to deal with.”

There was a bark of laughter in that same high voice. Gansey spoke over it.  _ “Adam, is he getting up?” _

“Yes.”

_ “Okay. I’m going to hang up but you can call me back if he acts up or something _ . _ ” _

Ronan and Adam snorted at the same time, blinking at each other in surprise. Gansey’s laughter came through the tinny speaker before he hung up, leaving Adam alone with Ronan and the bird again.

Ronan didn’t linger, throwing himself through the door he’s pointed at earlier. Through it, Adam could see a toilet precariously close to a refrigerator. Ronan was back out and closing the door before Adam could think on that too much.

“Well,” Ronan said, extending a blue reusable grocery bag to Adam. “Ta-fucking-da.”

Adam took the bag, gingerly. He wanted to open it and look to see if he had all of his underwear back, but if the underwear was still dirty he didn’t want to expose them to Ronan. Again.

“Are you gonna need this bag back?”

Ronan snorted, the action sounding less mean than it had talking to Gansey on the phone. “No, man, consider it a gift. Sorry I have a bird child that’s into criminal activity.”

The words were sarcastic but there was something endearing about Ronan calling Chainsaw his ‘bird child’.

“Thank you.” Adam hesitated then moved the bag to his left hand and extended his right to Ronan. “I’m Adam. Adam Parrish.”

Ronan looked at Adam like he was stupid. “Okay?” But he reached forward and shook Adam’s hand. “Ronan Lynch.”

Adam smirked, glancing at Chainsaw who was no longer watching them from the back of the coach, idly picking at the stitches. “You know, Lynch,” he started pulling his hand away, “it’s kind of pathetic that your bird thinks you’re so terrible at picking up men, she needs to steal their underwear for you.”

Ronan flushed red but Adam could tell it was more out of embarrassment than anger. He continued quickly, just in case.

“Is it bad it kind of worked?”

Ronan gaped, his flush extending down his chest. Adam took care to make sure Ronan knew he was looking.

“Well,” Adam continued, letting his eyes trail slowly back up to Ronan’s face. “If you need me, your bird knows where to find me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Actual footage of Ronan following Chainsaw to find Adam's apartment:  
>  _Ronan: *puts hand to imaginary earpiece* I am in pursuit, Chainsaw, repeat, I am in pursuit.  
>  Chainsaw: Kerah!  
> Ronan: Slow the fuck down, Jesus._
> 
> [Rebloggable version](http://saywhatjessie.tumblr.com/post/152839410195/are-you-missing-underwear)


End file.
